Under the Spotlight

Just a quick add-on from Saturday.....
I am amazed at how sometimes life is so intertwined and things line up so exactly that you can see how they all fit together.  Sunday, as I walked to my women's group, I was feeling a little bit of my mood creeping back & I thought for sure my peaceful heart would soon be transformed into chaos once again. I let myself in & I sat, looking at what I had written about the topic for the week (Leah & feeling invisible to God) to refresh my memory.  I had written about struggling to find my path, feeling a little isolated & maybe even singled out (why does it seem like everyone knows their purpose but me?!), feeling a little like maybe I'm not worthy of the great things I want to do in this life & the legacy I'd like to leave behind. A longer, more heart- wrenching version of what I touched on Saturday in my blog. My heart again felt heavier as I  thought that no one in this group of amazing, strong, fearless,  faith-based women would understand what I meant or how I felt.  As group began, I soon realized that I could not have been more wrong.  The person sitting right next to me said word-for-word exactly how I felt & what I had written (can you cheat & copy on an assignment like this?!?).  As she teared up, so did I & I couldn't even nod in agreement because her hurt was so real to me, as it was my hurt as well.  Then another woman, strong & fearless, spoke about some of her struggles with some feelings of loss recently and, yet again, I was speechless as I realized we were connected by the same feelings.  We encouraged, listened, supported, laughed, and cried.  Well....I sat silent in the amazement of what had been revealed to me.  I realized Saturday my heart was lifted by the small things, an attempt to show me that I will be where I am supposed to be not by my own doing, but in the right time, as a part of a plan bigger than I can know.  On Sunday, the strings that were holding my spirits up were fortified with steel and I knew that whatever dreams, goals, or plans I have are such much less than His.  And there is no need for the struggles or worries of my heart because I can turn it all over & let it all go knowing I am not invisible, but rather am center stage under the glow of the spotlight. 



                                                   P.S.~ Later I heard a woman singing behind me (who I have heard sing several other times) that I never noticed sounded exactly like my grandma singing.  My grandma & I were 2 peas in a pod~we had a very special bond & were very close.  She was my confidant, my cheerleader, my best friend, my mentor, my everything.  And she used to sing me to sleep every night when she would visit or we were together.  Not just when I was a child, but even into adulthood....I can still feel her arms around me, her false teeth gently clicking together as she sang.  When I was 18, naive, nervous,  & pregnant with my son, she told me secrets of her life that had been long unspoken of, she held my hand, then she laid beside me & sang me songs.  When my son was born, she flew to stay with us, & as I would lay in bed, napping, I would hear her sing to him and it was glorious.  Anyways, I stood, with tears running down my face,listening to this woman, knowing that this moment, too, was part of the plan to show me I am not alone  and I am not invisible.  Just a friendly reminder that she sees me & is here with me from above.

 

Sweet Things

possible future philosophers

& certainly great thinkers :)

As an individual,  I struggle to find my intended purpose, my path.  This week I have struggled more than usual & I have sought to find meaning in purpose through reading some of my favorite books by and about great philosophers & thinkers who changed the world. Books usually provide me such great solace & inspiration, but this week nothing seemed to help.

It came to be Friday and although I was inspired, I was still irritated at myself (and, therefore, others) and just in a mood.  You know, the kind you just can't shake no matter how hard you try.  The kind that is counter-productive.  The kind that only shovels more negativity on top of the original pile you started with. 

isn't there just something about
spinning until you fall over & think
the world may never stop moving  :)

The weather reports for the weekend said rainy & cold both days, which I was actually excited about since my to-do list has grown exponentially with the nice weather (I just cannot drag myself in when the weather is nice) & if I'm going to be in a mood, it makes me feel better if the weather matches it.  But I wake up today (Saturday) & there is no rain.  Not a drop.  I think "Really Mother Nature?!  Really?!" followed by   "Great~there goes my plans for the day!".   Then my son's friend called & asked to spend the night.  My husband asked to take a walk.  My kids asked to go to the park.  Even the dogs looked at me with their tails wagging & eyes hopeful for a romp outside.  So, suddenly we were meeting friends, taking a two mile walk to the park, & enjoying the cool, but rainless day.  And my mood started to lift.  As simple and painless as that.  As quickly as it came, it started to leave, without my even realizing it.

After our trip to the park, we grilled burgers for everyone, I turned on some music, & we made cookies.  It's the sweet things.  The little, non-life shattering, simple things in life that sometimes touch our heart the most. It no longer mattered what lies in the future, what decisions loomed ahead, or what choices would have to be made.  What I should be doing or who or where I should be.   All that mattered was the moment.  I was supposed to be in my kitchen, dancing like a fool, & laughing with friends & family.  It's where I was meant to be.  AND I think we may have devised the best cookies EVER.  Or maybe they just taste extra good because the fog has lifted, momentarily at least.  Like the rain after a drought, the sun after the rain, the flowers in spring. 

Maybe you can make these with friends & family, enjoy a laugh, & dance like a fool or just contemplatively enjoy some peace & quiet while a fog lifts & the blender mixes.  Either way, enjoy!

Cinnamon Snap Cookies

3/4 c. brown sugar

 soooo good!!

not that we tried any, but
the dough is AMAZING too :)

1/4 c. white sugar

2 1/4 c. flour

2 tsp. baking soda

1 1/2 tsp. cinnamon

1/2 tsp. ginger

1/2 tsp. all spice

3/4 c. softened unsalted butter

1 egg

1/4 c. molasses

1. Cream butter & sugars.  Add in egg & molasses.

2. Combine dry ingredients & add to wet ingredients.

1 inch balls coated in sugary goodness

3.  Roll in 1 in. balls & roll in a bowl with white sugar.

cooling

4.  Bake @ 350 degrees for 10-12 minutes until tops are cracked.  

My house smelled so amazing that the older kids who were upstairs came downstairs in search of what was producing the delicious smell.  They were so quick & taste ahhhhhmazing!  Even my husband who is not a huge fan of gingerbread cookies loved them even if they are essentially a gingerbread-based cookie (with a yummy sweet, not as spicy twist).  ENJOY!

The Little Things

The day the Lord created hope was probably the same day he created Spring.  ~Bern Williams

For almost an entire week, the sun has been shining and the weather has been summer-like; windows open, birds chirping, sunglasses out, shorts on, gentle breezes blowing through the trees.  Each year when the weather turns from cold and snowy to gloriously sunny and warm, it always makes me feel as if a little bit of heaven is given to us.  To spend the days soaking up every drop of warmth that the sun is willing to give, uncovering spring flowers to see their tiny green peeking through the brown dullness of winter, to play tag until your heart feels like it might burst....it really is rejuvenating, refreshing, as if we are being given a whole new start on life.  Once our legs are tired from the running, our hands dirty and blistered from the gardening, and our soul is filled to the top with joy we return indoors.  Then to sleep with the windows open, listening to the sounds of the night, the water flowing in the creek bed near our house, the gentle stillness that is night....there is such comfort and peace in it.  It is the small gifts in life that are so easy to overlook, but they are so powerful.

Belle's Tangled Birthday

guests with Tangled braids :)

For Belle's 5th birthday, after much deliberation, she decided she wanted a Tangled party.  We have watched Tangled probably 5,000 times at our house & it is still their favorite!  Since we are so familiar with the movie, we had all of these awesome ideas for the party PLUS I found so many awesome ideas on the web that we had to really pick & choose what we wanted to do. 

First, I LOOOOVE treat bags :)  I wanted to do something that the guests could use later as a toy bag or book bag.  I found these adorable bags for $1.oo at AC Moore.  They are a canvas/poly type bag~very sturdy & strong.  AND they were big enough (18x12).  I bought all kinds of ribbons (3 for $1.00), embellishments (3 packages for $5.00) & some fabric paint.  I tried to decorate each one unique for the guest & made a very special one for the birthday girl :)

The boys had special "boy" themed bags filled with shields, body armour, and other "knightly" goodies.  Each guest got Tangled candy (found @ the party store), a white horse ($1.00 @ Walmart) for Maximus, Tangled notebooks ($1.00 @ Dollar Store), & Tangled markers ($1.00 Dollar Store) along with the goodies they made @ the party.

trying to get a picture of all 12 kids was harder than catching
 Flynn Rider!  lol

 As all the guests arrived, we had the girls come to the braiding station & decorate their braids with flowers (think Rapunzel @ the Kingdom) & have their braids attached to their hair.  For the girls with short hair, I attached the yarn to rhinestone headbands so it looked like a wig with a tiara :)  The boys, meanwhile, were given a mission to find the crown (a hidden tiara) & report back to the tower (concrete form with a poster board roof decorated to look like Rapunzel's tower).  We also had downloaded the Tangled soundtrack & combined it with our princess soundtrack from last year's birthday for background music/dancing music.

 After everyone arrived, we headed out to the bouncy house to work up an appetite for lunch.

 After lots of bouncy fun, we headed indoors to have a Rapunzel-themed lunch.  I always let the birthday girl choose the food then try to incorporate it into the theme.  Tangled was hard!  We had the Ugly Duck Cafe & served up as much "pub" food as the birthday girl liked~think bite size sandwiches, chips, veggie & fruit baskets (rather than fries).  We made purple (grape) jello jigglers in the shapes of horses & tiaras, as well as purple kool aid. 

After lunch we made sugar cube towers.  It turned

out to be much more hilarious than I imagined. 

There was a lot of stack a cube, eat a cube & a lot

 of finger-licking with the frosting.  Some of the kids were future engineers and had HUGE towers,

while some of the kids ended up making more

castle looking structures (wide instead of tall). 

Some of the kids formed teams to get the cubes

to cooperate & stay standing.  Overall, the parents

had as much as the kids watching them :)

After towers we did presents & cake.  We had the traditional store bought sheet cake decorated with Rapunzel, as well as a tower cake that I saw online.  I was too scared that the tower cake would not stand through out the day, so the store bought was a back-up, anxiety-reliever :)  The kids all had a wonderful time and the birthday girl said it was the best 5th birthday ever :)



our tower bookmarks we made :)



In The Blink Of An Eye

Early this morning, at 3:40 am to be exact, I woke up to Prince Charming, my 2 yr old, throwing up on my head.  You see, he likes to sleep petting my hair, scrunching my hair, or with his face on top of my head so he is touching my hair with his cheeks.  I assure you a blanket (like Belle had)

Belle & her Blanket

or a pacifier (which none of my kids would take) would have been SO much easier!  And, yes, all of you secretly or aloud saying "She lets him do this?!?", I do crawl into his full size bed every time he wakes up screaming "MOM!  WHERE ARE YOU?".   After spending 2 weeks cleaning up puke every night that he cried/screamed so much he got sick while sleep training, I vowed that I would let him decide when he was ready to sleep alone. 

But, I digress, back to today's sick incident (sorry for anyone looking at this while eating ).   So, from a sound sleep, with no warning whatsoever, I found myself needing to wash my hair...5 times....change bedding, and wash my poor sick boy up.  It was by far the most disgusting thing I have ever experienced in all of my years~this coming from an animal science/pre-vet major, social worker, farm kid, and mother of 14 years...I have plenty of experience with gross!   As I went downstairs to throw all the bedding & clothes in the wash (only to discover that I didn't have enough detergent for a full load), I saw the newspaper from the day before on the island.  As I'm silently complaining about the grossness of the event, the fact that I have no detergent & should've picked it up yesterday (I ended up reading to the girls' preschool class instead of grocery shopping :)  ), the tiredness of waking up @ 3:40 am when I knew the girls would be up by 7 (why are my kids getting up earlier after the time change?!?!) I saw the story on the front page.  Two Year Old & Godmother Killed By Fire.   They lived in a nice, new development, had working smoke detectors, were only 15 feet from the front door, the fire was contained to the kitchen, the Godmother was a nurse.....how did this happen?  I guess I like to think that if you have smoke detectors, a new house, if the fire is small, if you know what to do that everything will be okay.  I guess I'm wrong.   Little Averyana's mother will never get a chance to write about her daughter throwing up on her head....or any other moment or milestone.  At that moment, I  felt sick and my whole attitude changed from weariness to thankfulness.  I heard the song "In The Blink Of An Eye"  (MercyMe) & remembered that each moment is a gift...even if they're not what you want them to be or are covered in puke.  



Prince Charming snoozing
with Eli the dog & Chris the cat

So, I'm sending up prayers for the family & friends of Averyana & her Godmother Rachel, & I will cuddle my babies a little longer & squeeze them a little tighter as I spend my day playing nurse and janitor.  I hope that anyone who read that story in the newspaper or who reads it here will send all the positive thoughts & prayers for peace they can to this family.

What We Call Ourselves~Part 2

What got me thinking about this whole subject was a simple, off-handed comment by Belle the other day.  When I asked her if she needed help doing something, she said "NO!  Cowgirls can do ANYTHING!"   I thought of how sweet it was, the imagination of a child.  The way that however they see themselves at that moment, whatever they are playing at that moment, however they are feeling is what they are.  

Prince Charming was jumping around the kitchen two days later as I made supper.  I asked him, "Are you my silly bunny rabbit?"  He replied with, "Mom!  I a grahopper!!"  (grasshopper in 2 yr old speak).  What?!?  I wouldn't have guessed that one....maybe a frog, but a grasshopper?!   Then at lunch yesterday he was making an "arrrrggghhh" noise (what I took for a growl) & opening his mouth wide open as he made the noise (what I took for an animal getting ready to chomp).  Thinking I was safe and couldn't get this one wrong, I said "no bears at the table please!".  The reply this time?  "I a hippo mom!" along with a very disgusted Elvis-looking snarl.  Both times he was suprised (and slightly disgusted) that I hadn't chosen the correct animal, even more suprised than I was at his chosen animal.  In his mind there was no other animal he could be other than a grasshopper and a hippo.

My point is we can call ourselves whatever we want.  We can say whatever we think we are, pretend we are, try to be, or want to be, but in the end they are just words; they don't really makes us that way.  Like my children, we often think that whatever we are in our mind is what the world sees us as. It is our actions that prove whether we are a grasshopper or rabbit or frog.   We are fortunate that no one moment makes us who we truly are, but that we are able to prove ourselves over & over each day. We have the opprotunity  a thousand times a day to do a comparison in our minds (and hearts) to make sure that our actions are building the version of us that we want to be.  So, are you who you want to be?





What We Call Ourselves

I've been kind of wondering how to get through these posts without calling my children by name.  I mean, there are always the worries of stories you see on the news (except for me, as I read my news..no TV) & I don't want my children (especially the teenager) to be jealous  embarrassed  excited that I discuss them & their "moments" for all to read.....so what's a mom to do?  

Well......I started thinking  & decided there were actually like a thousand monikers I could come up with for them.  They love Peter Pan, all things Disney princess, cowboys/cowgirls & Indians (or should I say Native Americans?? )...I had all of these ideas running through my mind.  But I think I came up with my officially official new names.  Please meet:

Belle (her favorite of all princesses~and she really is a book worm, a strong mind, and a fiercely independent girl)

 age 5



Cindy (Cinderella ~ her favorite of all princesses, but I think of her a lil Cindy Lou Who too :)  She is gentle,meek, and soft-hearted)  age 4

Prince Charming (he really truly is~he attracts people everywhere he goes ~ and is favorite character is  Snow White, which would never do for a name!)                  age 2 1/2

John Smith (Pocahontas anyone?  He really is kind, adventurous, and thinks for himself.  And he wrestles & John Smith is the name of a wrestling move :)  Clever, huh?!?)           age 14