Under the Spotlight

Just a quick add-on from Saturday.....
I am amazed at how sometimes life is so intertwined and things line up so exactly that you can see how they all fit together.  Sunday, as I walked to my women's group, I was feeling a little bit of my mood creeping back & I thought for sure my peaceful heart would soon be transformed into chaos once again. I let myself in & I sat, looking at what I had written about the topic for the week (Leah & feeling invisible to God) to refresh my memory.  I had written about struggling to find my path, feeling a little isolated & maybe even singled out (why does it seem like everyone knows their purpose but me?!), feeling a little like maybe I'm not worthy of the great things I want to do in this life & the legacy I'd like to leave behind. A longer, more heart- wrenching version of what I touched on Saturday in my blog. My heart again felt heavier as I  thought that no one in this group of amazing, strong, fearless,  faith-based women would understand what I meant or how I felt.  As group began, I soon realized that I could not have been more wrong.  The person sitting right next to me said word-for-word exactly how I felt & what I had written (can you cheat & copy on an assignment like this?!?).  As she teared up, so did I & I couldn't even nod in agreement because her hurt was so real to me, as it was my hurt as well.  Then another woman, strong & fearless, spoke about some of her struggles with some feelings of loss recently and, yet again, I was speechless as I realized we were connected by the same feelings.  We encouraged, listened, supported, laughed, and cried.  Well....I sat silent in the amazement of what had been revealed to me.  I realized Saturday my heart was lifted by the small things, an attempt to show me that I will be where I am supposed to be not by my own doing, but in the right time, as a part of a plan bigger than I can know.  On Sunday, the strings that were holding my spirits up were fortified with steel and I knew that whatever dreams, goals, or plans I have are such much less than His.  And there is no need for the struggles or worries of my heart because I can turn it all over & let it all go knowing I am not invisible, but rather am center stage under the glow of the spotlight. 



                                                   P.S.~ Later I heard a woman singing behind me (who I have heard sing several other times) that I never noticed sounded exactly like my grandma singing.  My grandma & I were 2 peas in a pod~we had a very special bond & were very close.  She was my confidant, my cheerleader, my best friend, my mentor, my everything.  And she used to sing me to sleep every night when she would visit or we were together.  Not just when I was a child, but even into adulthood....I can still feel her arms around me, her false teeth gently clicking together as she sang.  When I was 18, naive, nervous,  & pregnant with my son, she told me secrets of her life that had been long unspoken of, she held my hand, then she laid beside me & sang me songs.  When my son was born, she flew to stay with us, & as I would lay in bed, napping, I would hear her sing to him and it was glorious.  Anyways, I stood, with tears running down my face,listening to this woman, knowing that this moment, too, was part of the plan to show me I am not alone  and I am not invisible.  Just a friendly reminder that she sees me & is here with me from above.